Proud

Today I'm feeling privileged to be a mum. It's so exciting seeing my little girls grow into the unique people God's made them to be. Despite my many mistakes as a parent, there are times when I feel really proud to be their mum.

Last night apparently Sarah was explaining to my mum that I won't let her have cow's milk anymore - only once in the morning, and once at night - other than that she can have water, soy milk or juice. I read recently that cow's milk can sometimes contribute to constipation so decided to try reducing her milk intake. She went on to say that this made her cranky. Yay!!! I'm so proud of my little girl - she's learning to express her emotions in a healthy way.

Lead Me Prayer

I was drawn back to the song Lead Me by Sanctus Real last night. I was having one of those I-don't-know-what-to-pray-for-my-kids moments and remembered the prayer on the website, so wanted to find it again.

Decided it'd be worth sharing. I can't figure out a way to easily copy the text, so here's part of it.

'Lead me into a greater love for your word and truth, and into a greater hunger for you, so that my children might grow up in a home where your presence is known, learning by example what it means to seek you with all of their hearts.

Above all, lead me to the cross, the place where I might receive the grace required to humbly model for my family what it means to follow in the footsteps of Christ, loving and serving them as Christ loves and serves his church.

I bow my heart before you in recognition of my utter dependence. Leading this family requires more wisdom, selflessness and strength than I possess. But as you lead me me, I know that you will show me the way to lead them.'

You can read the whole prayer on the Sanctus Real website.

Being Led

I heard the song Lead Me by Sanctus Real for the first time this afternoon. If you click the link, you can hear the story behind the song - it's an awesome testimony. Very honest about some of their struggles, and the need to depend on God and seek His guidance.

When I first listened to the words I thought how appropriate some were even for me as a single mum, I certainly can't do it alone. I need God to lead me!! The days I'm struggling as a mum, I hope I'll hear this song again and be reminded to depend on God and seek His leading as I love and lead my girls. There's a great prayer to pray for your children on the website too. Love the song, think it might become a favourite.

Hooray for Stick Figures

I'm so excited - Sarah's started drawing her first stick figures! As she draws the faces, she explains who each one is and tells all kinds of stories about what's happening for that person - whether they're happy or sad, and why. It's so cute. Yep, I love being a mum.

The never-ending colds with kids

If you're like me, catching up with friends and their kids in winter seems so difficult at times. Someone's always sick. My girls have been sick on and off most of this winter. Had to phone my friend this morning who I've been aiming to have over for a couple of weeks. Her kids are sick too. Poor Lucy's still not well, trying to figure out whether I should take her back to the Dr again or not.

A couple of weeks ago I read this really helpful, practical post by Jean. I love that I can sit with my girls and cuddle them when they're sick - this morning the house looks like a bomb's hit it, cereal all over the floor that I desperately want to clean up, and we need to take the car to get repaired. Time to let the real priorities surface as Jean suggests - I want to love my girls! Yes, the car needs to be repaired, but the floor can wait.

The Odd One Out

Most, if not all of us, have felt like the odd one out at times. Seems that more often than not I feel like that as a single mum. Perhaps these are the times I need to look at myself differently, not as a single mum, but as a child of God, loved and made whole by Him, and to focus on following Him.

Last weekend I took Sarah to the dedication of some friends' little boys. I don't remember consciously thinking this at the time, but afterwards I think I felt upset because I can't offer Sarah and Lucy what my friends, as husband and wife/mum and dad, can offer their boys. They're committed to teaching their kids about Jesus together.

Since coming to this realisation, I've been reading a book, 'My Single Mum Life' by Angela Thomas, given to me by one of my parents' friends, who is also divorced. Angela writes about a similar experience of feeling like the odd one out (pxv, xvi):

'Then I made the mistake of looking around. All the other families seemed to be a man and a woman with some kids. Whole families. In truth, many could have been third marriages with blended kids, and dysfunctional as heck, but that night - at least in the glow of the Christmas candles - they looked whole. I know there are other single moms at my church, but at that service I couldn't spot anyone who looked like us. And my heart ached.'

As I was reading the gospel of Mark yesterday, this verse jumped out at me, 'At once they left their nets and followed [Jesus]' (1:18). I also noticed the reference to James and John (two of the disciples) as 'Sons of Thunder' (3:17), which the cheat notes suggest is related to their dispositions.

I was challenged anew that God wants to use each one of us to share His love with those around us. That He can use our different personalities and backgrounds. Yes, He will even use the 'Sons of Thunder', and even us single mums!! I can waste time worrying about why I'm not suitable to share God's love with a particular person, why I'm not ready yet... or I can leave my nets - my own plans and dreams - and follow Jesus.

Chocolate as a substitute for sex?

I have no idea how many people read this blog, but I've decided to share a bit more of my journey - the longing for sex. It's kind of a risky topic, but as a single Christian mum it's an issue I've faced, and I'm guessing other single mums will face too. I'm hoping by sharing this there might be at least one person out there who might find encouragement in their own journey.

This morning I listened to a great talk on sex myths by Tom. As I started listening, and was reminded about the goodness of sex as God designed it, I had to stop and have some chocolate - they say that having chocolate triggers the same chemicals in the brain that sex does. The chocolate was good, but I'm not convinced it's as good as sex. But it'll do for the time being.

Having been married, I've had sex (you'd hope so!). And it was so worth waiting for.

I don't want to go into the details of what happened with my marriage, but the Bible makes it clear that God hates divorce because of the destruction is causes. I never entered marriage thinking divorce was an option if it got too difficult. I believe very strongly that both people should do everything they can to keep their promises to each other. So I won't go into why I divorced - I'm accountable to God for my decisions and actions, and I've talked to Him lots about it, and I also know that through Jesus we are all offered God's amazing grace that covers ALL our sins, regardless of how big or small.

When I was first separated, the longing for sex was a fairly significant issue for me. I chatted with another older christian guy who had been separated for a number of years and I mentioned this to him, and he agreed that he had struggled with the same issue. As time has gone by, the longing has still been there, but it's not as big an issue for me now.

I remember our Pastor telling me that once our sexual passion has been unleashed, it's hard to 'put it back', that you desire it even more than you did before it was unleashed. He went on to look at 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 where Paul talks specifically to the unmarried and widows - not the 'never before married' but 'unmarried' who he believes includes those who once were married. He says that it is better for them to marry than to burn with passion. Having been married and unleashed the sexual passion, I would agree that it's hard to no longer desire that. But as I mentioned before, recently the desire hasn't been as great as it was before.

Anyway, as Tom highlights in his sermon, God designed sex to glorify Him, and the best way to glorify Him is to have sex as He designed it, within marriage. So hard as the longing may be, God gives us the strength we need to wait and glorify Him. And if/when we muck up, He offers us His grace.