The Odd One Out

Most, if not all of us, have felt like the odd one out at times. Seems that more often than not I feel like that as a single mum. Perhaps these are the times I need to look at myself differently, not as a single mum, but as a child of God, loved and made whole by Him, and to focus on following Him.

Last weekend I took Sarah to the dedication of some friends' little boys. I don't remember consciously thinking this at the time, but afterwards I think I felt upset because I can't offer Sarah and Lucy what my friends, as husband and wife/mum and dad, can offer their boys. They're committed to teaching their kids about Jesus together.

Since coming to this realisation, I've been reading a book, 'My Single Mum Life' by Angela Thomas, given to me by one of my parents' friends, who is also divorced. Angela writes about a similar experience of feeling like the odd one out (pxv, xvi):

'Then I made the mistake of looking around. All the other families seemed to be a man and a woman with some kids. Whole families. In truth, many could have been third marriages with blended kids, and dysfunctional as heck, but that night - at least in the glow of the Christmas candles - they looked whole. I know there are other single moms at my church, but at that service I couldn't spot anyone who looked like us. And my heart ached.'

As I was reading the gospel of Mark yesterday, this verse jumped out at me, 'At once they left their nets and followed [Jesus]' (1:18). I also noticed the reference to James and John (two of the disciples) as 'Sons of Thunder' (3:17), which the cheat notes suggest is related to their dispositions.

I was challenged anew that God wants to use each one of us to share His love with those around us. That He can use our different personalities and backgrounds. Yes, He will even use the 'Sons of Thunder', and even us single mums!! I can waste time worrying about why I'm not suitable to share God's love with a particular person, why I'm not ready yet... or I can leave my nets - my own plans and dreams - and follow Jesus.

Chocolate as a substitute for sex?

I have no idea how many people read this blog, but I've decided to share a bit more of my journey - the longing for sex. It's kind of a risky topic, but as a single Christian mum it's an issue I've faced, and I'm guessing other single mums will face too. I'm hoping by sharing this there might be at least one person out there who might find encouragement in their own journey.

This morning I listened to a great talk on sex myths by Tom. As I started listening, and was reminded about the goodness of sex as God designed it, I had to stop and have some chocolate - they say that having chocolate triggers the same chemicals in the brain that sex does. The chocolate was good, but I'm not convinced it's as good as sex. But it'll do for the time being.

Having been married, I've had sex (you'd hope so!). And it was so worth waiting for.

I don't want to go into the details of what happened with my marriage, but the Bible makes it clear that God hates divorce because of the destruction is causes. I never entered marriage thinking divorce was an option if it got too difficult. I believe very strongly that both people should do everything they can to keep their promises to each other. So I won't go into why I divorced - I'm accountable to God for my decisions and actions, and I've talked to Him lots about it, and I also know that through Jesus we are all offered God's amazing grace that covers ALL our sins, regardless of how big or small.

When I was first separated, the longing for sex was a fairly significant issue for me. I chatted with another older christian guy who had been separated for a number of years and I mentioned this to him, and he agreed that he had struggled with the same issue. As time has gone by, the longing has still been there, but it's not as big an issue for me now.

I remember our Pastor telling me that once our sexual passion has been unleashed, it's hard to 'put it back', that you desire it even more than you did before it was unleashed. He went on to look at 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 where Paul talks specifically to the unmarried and widows - not the 'never before married' but 'unmarried' who he believes includes those who once were married. He says that it is better for them to marry than to burn with passion. Having been married and unleashed the sexual passion, I would agree that it's hard to no longer desire that. But as I mentioned before, recently the desire hasn't been as great as it was before.

Anyway, as Tom highlights in his sermon, God designed sex to glorify Him, and the best way to glorify Him is to have sex as He designed it, within marriage. So hard as the longing may be, God gives us the strength we need to wait and glorify Him. And if/when we muck up, He offers us His grace.

Inquisitive Kids

I love the questions kids ask. The other day Sarah asked me, 'Why do big people eat chippies with their hands and little people have to have them in a bowl?'. Good question. I explained that big people should probably use a bowl too because it's less messy.

Found this cute video on youtube - Kids' letters and questions to God. Gotta love their honesty. 'Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.'

Wouldn't it be funny if...

I've heard many mums say that they wished they'd enjoyed their kids more when they were little. There's always so much to be done. It's too easy to get so preoccupied that we forget to enjoy the time we have with our kids. We all want our kids to know we love them, but I know for me, sometimes my priorities may not show them that - sometimes cleaning up the mess first seems more important, where actually sitting down with them and reading them a story should be more important. The mess can wait!

Nicole shared some great tips on enjoying our kids more, based on a book she's been reading. One is to create memories - I want to be more intentional about that, about spending quality time with my girls.

I remembered this book that I loved when I was a kid called, 'Wouldn't it be funny if'. My brother and I used to love it so I kept it. I'm going to read it with the girls when they get home tonight. I think they'll really appreciate it now. The boy in the story thinks up all kinds of things that would be funny, like 'if people got dressed to go to bed, and went to school in their pyjamas' and 'if you could teach your teachers, and tell them off for giggling'. No doubt they'll probably make up some of their own too. Should be fun and lots of giggles.

Any other ideas for creating memories?

Happy Mother's Day

Sarah often asks me in the morning if she can come in my bed, it's cute how she asks for permission. Lucy's very different, she must have German blood in her, she's not really keen on cuddles and kisses, unlike Sarah.

This morning after hopping into my bed Sarah said, 'Mummy, I've done a wee on your bed'. Great. Happy Mother's Day! She's toilet trained, but at night-time still wears a nappy, and it must have leaked. At least if it was in her bed there's a mattress protector and I would have only needed to wash single sheets.

But I guess the most special present any mother could hope for is to wake up to her children and hear them say I love you and have a big cuddle. So, it has been a special morning despite the incident.

Well-loved Toys

Lucy's favourite toy is 'Ra', her lion. She loves to rub Ra's tail under her nose, and if you're really lucky (or unlucky), she'll rub Ra's tail under your nose. I was hoping to take a picture of Ra this morning before he had a wash, just to show you how well loved he is, but unfortunately I missed my opportunity as the camera battery died. Probably just as well - he really desperately needed a wash, it's very difficult to sneak him away. Besides, to get the full effect and really understand how well loved Ra is, you really need to smell him.

Lucy also has an obsession with making beds for her babies. Everywhere we go we have to take all the hand-towels and face washers I have on hand to clean up toilet-training incidents. So there are probably about 20 or so that we lug around, Lucy will then carefully arrange them in a pile and put her baby to bed. It's very cute. Yep, it's a special time of life.

Toilet Training

We've gone downhill this week with the toilet training. Sarah was doing so well until last Sunday. She'll be standing there playing and you'll suddenly hear the waterfall. Lovely. Then she'll tell me quite matter-of-factly that she's done a wee.

So this morning we drew up a chart. One of the teachers at their school suggested the idea - though I have heard of it before I haven't yet tried it myself. Every time she does a wee in the toilet instead of her pants, she'll get a sticker, and at the end of the day if she hasn't done any wees in her pants she'll get a prize (haven't figured out what that is yet though). So far, no success, another set of wet pants. Zippeddydooda (how do you spell that?).