Tough

I hate doing it alone.

Disconnected

I've decided that one of the struggles of motherhood that I often experience, particularly as a single mum with young kids, is feeling disconnected. Disconnected particularly in relationships.

The last few months I've finally been taking the girls to Sunday School consistently, but some weeks it's been a real struggle. I've often ended up either staying with them in Sunday School or taking them home early. Other weeks they've been OK till close to the end so I've had to duck out of the service early - it's all just a part of being a parent I guess. But I find that as a result I often feel quite disconnected.

I long for the day that life will be at least a little more predictable, and I'll hopefully feel a bit more connected.

Proud

Today I'm feeling privileged to be a mum. It's so exciting seeing my little girls grow into the unique people God's made them to be. Despite my many mistakes as a parent, there are times when I feel really proud to be their mum.

Last night apparently Sarah was explaining to my mum that I won't let her have cow's milk anymore - only once in the morning, and once at night - other than that she can have water, soy milk or juice. I read recently that cow's milk can sometimes contribute to constipation so decided to try reducing her milk intake. She went on to say that this made her cranky. Yay!!! I'm so proud of my little girl - she's learning to express her emotions in a healthy way.

Lead Me Prayer

I was drawn back to the song Lead Me by Sanctus Real last night. I was having one of those I-don't-know-what-to-pray-for-my-kids moments and remembered the prayer on the website, so wanted to find it again.

Decided it'd be worth sharing. I can't figure out a way to easily copy the text, so here's part of it.

'Lead me into a greater love for your word and truth, and into a greater hunger for you, so that my children might grow up in a home where your presence is known, learning by example what it means to seek you with all of their hearts.

Above all, lead me to the cross, the place where I might receive the grace required to humbly model for my family what it means to follow in the footsteps of Christ, loving and serving them as Christ loves and serves his church.

I bow my heart before you in recognition of my utter dependence. Leading this family requires more wisdom, selflessness and strength than I possess. But as you lead me me, I know that you will show me the way to lead them.'

You can read the whole prayer on the Sanctus Real website.

Being Led

I heard the song Lead Me by Sanctus Real for the first time this afternoon. If you click the link, you can hear the story behind the song - it's an awesome testimony. Very honest about some of their struggles, and the need to depend on God and seek His guidance.

When I first listened to the words I thought how appropriate some were even for me as a single mum, I certainly can't do it alone. I need God to lead me!! The days I'm struggling as a mum, I hope I'll hear this song again and be reminded to depend on God and seek His leading as I love and lead my girls. There's a great prayer to pray for your children on the website too. Love the song, think it might become a favourite.

Hooray for Stick Figures

I'm so excited - Sarah's started drawing her first stick figures! As she draws the faces, she explains who each one is and tells all kinds of stories about what's happening for that person - whether they're happy or sad, and why. It's so cute. Yep, I love being a mum.

The never-ending colds with kids

If you're like me, catching up with friends and their kids in winter seems so difficult at times. Someone's always sick. My girls have been sick on and off most of this winter. Had to phone my friend this morning who I've been aiming to have over for a couple of weeks. Her kids are sick too. Poor Lucy's still not well, trying to figure out whether I should take her back to the Dr again or not.

A couple of weeks ago I read this really helpful, practical post by Jean. I love that I can sit with my girls and cuddle them when they're sick - this morning the house looks like a bomb's hit it, cereal all over the floor that I desperately want to clean up, and we need to take the car to get repaired. Time to let the real priorities surface as Jean suggests - I want to love my girls! Yes, the car needs to be repaired, but the floor can wait.

The Odd One Out

Most, if not all of us, have felt like the odd one out at times. Seems that more often than not I feel like that as a single mum. Perhaps these are the times I need to look at myself differently, not as a single mum, but as a child of God, loved and made whole by Him, and to focus on following Him.

Last weekend I took Sarah to the dedication of some friends' little boys. I don't remember consciously thinking this at the time, but afterwards I think I felt upset because I can't offer Sarah and Lucy what my friends, as husband and wife/mum and dad, can offer their boys. They're committed to teaching their kids about Jesus together.

Since coming to this realisation, I've been reading a book, 'My Single Mum Life' by Angela Thomas, given to me by one of my parents' friends, who is also divorced. Angela writes about a similar experience of feeling like the odd one out (pxv, xvi):

'Then I made the mistake of looking around. All the other families seemed to be a man and a woman with some kids. Whole families. In truth, many could have been third marriages with blended kids, and dysfunctional as heck, but that night - at least in the glow of the Christmas candles - they looked whole. I know there are other single moms at my church, but at that service I couldn't spot anyone who looked like us. And my heart ached.'

As I was reading the gospel of Mark yesterday, this verse jumped out at me, 'At once they left their nets and followed [Jesus]' (1:18). I also noticed the reference to James and John (two of the disciples) as 'Sons of Thunder' (3:17), which the cheat notes suggest is related to their dispositions.

I was challenged anew that God wants to use each one of us to share His love with those around us. That He can use our different personalities and backgrounds. Yes, He will even use the 'Sons of Thunder', and even us single mums!! I can waste time worrying about why I'm not suitable to share God's love with a particular person, why I'm not ready yet... or I can leave my nets - my own plans and dreams - and follow Jesus.

Chocolate as a substitute for sex?

I have no idea how many people read this blog, but I've decided to share a bit more of my journey - the longing for sex. It's kind of a risky topic, but as a single Christian mum it's an issue I've faced, and I'm guessing other single mums will face too. I'm hoping by sharing this there might be at least one person out there who might find encouragement in their own journey.

This morning I listened to a great talk on sex myths by Tom. As I started listening, and was reminded about the goodness of sex as God designed it, I had to stop and have some chocolate - they say that having chocolate triggers the same chemicals in the brain that sex does. The chocolate was good, but I'm not convinced it's as good as sex. But it'll do for the time being.

Having been married, I've had sex (you'd hope so!). And it was so worth waiting for.

I don't want to go into the details of what happened with my marriage, but the Bible makes it clear that God hates divorce because of the destruction is causes. I never entered marriage thinking divorce was an option if it got too difficult. I believe very strongly that both people should do everything they can to keep their promises to each other. So I won't go into why I divorced - I'm accountable to God for my decisions and actions, and I've talked to Him lots about it, and I also know that through Jesus we are all offered God's amazing grace that covers ALL our sins, regardless of how big or small.

When I was first separated, the longing for sex was a fairly significant issue for me. I chatted with another older christian guy who had been separated for a number of years and I mentioned this to him, and he agreed that he had struggled with the same issue. As time has gone by, the longing has still been there, but it's not as big an issue for me now.

I remember our Pastor telling me that once our sexual passion has been unleashed, it's hard to 'put it back', that you desire it even more than you did before it was unleashed. He went on to look at 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 where Paul talks specifically to the unmarried and widows - not the 'never before married' but 'unmarried' who he believes includes those who once were married. He says that it is better for them to marry than to burn with passion. Having been married and unleashed the sexual passion, I would agree that it's hard to no longer desire that. But as I mentioned before, recently the desire hasn't been as great as it was before.

Anyway, as Tom highlights in his sermon, God designed sex to glorify Him, and the best way to glorify Him is to have sex as He designed it, within marriage. So hard as the longing may be, God gives us the strength we need to wait and glorify Him. And if/when we muck up, He offers us His grace.

Inquisitive Kids

I love the questions kids ask. The other day Sarah asked me, 'Why do big people eat chippies with their hands and little people have to have them in a bowl?'. Good question. I explained that big people should probably use a bowl too because it's less messy.

Found this cute video on youtube - Kids' letters and questions to God. Gotta love their honesty. 'Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.'

Wouldn't it be funny if...

I've heard many mums say that they wished they'd enjoyed their kids more when they were little. There's always so much to be done. It's too easy to get so preoccupied that we forget to enjoy the time we have with our kids. We all want our kids to know we love them, but I know for me, sometimes my priorities may not show them that - sometimes cleaning up the mess first seems more important, where actually sitting down with them and reading them a story should be more important. The mess can wait!

Nicole shared some great tips on enjoying our kids more, based on a book she's been reading. One is to create memories - I want to be more intentional about that, about spending quality time with my girls.

I remembered this book that I loved when I was a kid called, 'Wouldn't it be funny if'. My brother and I used to love it so I kept it. I'm going to read it with the girls when they get home tonight. I think they'll really appreciate it now. The boy in the story thinks up all kinds of things that would be funny, like 'if people got dressed to go to bed, and went to school in their pyjamas' and 'if you could teach your teachers, and tell them off for giggling'. No doubt they'll probably make up some of their own too. Should be fun and lots of giggles.

Any other ideas for creating memories?

Happy Mother's Day

Sarah often asks me in the morning if she can come in my bed, it's cute how she asks for permission. Lucy's very different, she must have German blood in her, she's not really keen on cuddles and kisses, unlike Sarah.

This morning after hopping into my bed Sarah said, 'Mummy, I've done a wee on your bed'. Great. Happy Mother's Day! She's toilet trained, but at night-time still wears a nappy, and it must have leaked. At least if it was in her bed there's a mattress protector and I would have only needed to wash single sheets.

But I guess the most special present any mother could hope for is to wake up to her children and hear them say I love you and have a big cuddle. So, it has been a special morning despite the incident.

Well-loved Toys

Lucy's favourite toy is 'Ra', her lion. She loves to rub Ra's tail under her nose, and if you're really lucky (or unlucky), she'll rub Ra's tail under your nose. I was hoping to take a picture of Ra this morning before he had a wash, just to show you how well loved he is, but unfortunately I missed my opportunity as the camera battery died. Probably just as well - he really desperately needed a wash, it's very difficult to sneak him away. Besides, to get the full effect and really understand how well loved Ra is, you really need to smell him.

Lucy also has an obsession with making beds for her babies. Everywhere we go we have to take all the hand-towels and face washers I have on hand to clean up toilet-training incidents. So there are probably about 20 or so that we lug around, Lucy will then carefully arrange them in a pile and put her baby to bed. It's very cute. Yep, it's a special time of life.

Toilet Training

We've gone downhill this week with the toilet training. Sarah was doing so well until last Sunday. She'll be standing there playing and you'll suddenly hear the waterfall. Lovely. Then she'll tell me quite matter-of-factly that she's done a wee.

So this morning we drew up a chart. One of the teachers at their school suggested the idea - though I have heard of it before I haven't yet tried it myself. Every time she does a wee in the toilet instead of her pants, she'll get a sticker, and at the end of the day if she hasn't done any wees in her pants she'll get a prize (haven't figured out what that is yet though). So far, no success, another set of wet pants. Zippeddydooda (how do you spell that?).

Bath-time Fun

In the bath tonight Sarah and Lucy started singing "Happy Birthday" to no-one in particular. When I asked Sarah why she was singing happy birthday, she told me it was because she'd made a birthday cake of bubbles in bubble-maker tray.

Reminds me of a show I used to love watching with Bill Crosby called "Kids say the darndest things". It was a very funny show.

Parenting & Contradicting Emotions

"It's the best of jobs. It's the most difficult of jobs. It can bring you the greatest joy. It can cause the greatest pain. There is nothing as fulfilling and exhilarating. There's nothing so depleting and exhausting. No area of your life can make you feel more like a success when everything is going well. No area of your life can make you feel more like a failure when things go wrong.

PARENTING!

The word itself can bring contradicting emotions to the surface."

From Stormie Omartian's "The Power of a Praying Parent" Chapter 1


Lots of friends have been writing comments on Facebook about their kids starting pre-school. One shares that she thinks she enjoys it as much, or maybe more, than her kids. Another shares how she cried the first day her son went. I can relate to both. Shed many tears leaving the girls, but love it when I get to see them again in the afternoon and hear about all the fun things they've done with their friends... and I get a chance to do other stuff as just Alison, not Alison the Mum.

Wanting to see Sarah

Poor little Lucy just woke up. I think she might have had a nightmare, but not sure? Maybe she's not old enough to have nightmares yet?

Anyway, I gave her a bottle of milk and she said, "See Sarah". I explained that Sarah was asleep in the other room so she couldn't see Sarah, then she said it again, "See Sarah" in a very disappointed tone. She was almost crying. I told her she could see Sarah in the morning. She's never asked for Sarah during the night before. I love that they are so close. Sisterly love, just beautiful.

Raggedy Ann

The girls have been watching Raggedy Ann in "The Enchanted Square" on DVD. Mum bought it for them a year or so ago. It's a really old cartoon created in 1947. It's quite sad, but beautiful.

A little girl, who is blind, is given a doll by a Police Officer who found it in the rubbish. The little girl holds the doll, Raggedy Ann, and says how she wishes she could see what she looked like. Raggedy Ann teaches her to use her imagination so she can see her doll. The little girl has an adventure with Raggedy Ann and then 'sees' her Mum for the first time. It's a beautiful DVD.

Apparently the first Raggedy Ann book was created by Johnny Gruelle in 1918. I'd love to read it. Maybe I'll get it for the girls for their next birthday?

Hanging in there... just

I actually posted this on my other blog not long before I created this one, but thought it was worth reposting here for anyone who missed it.

Yep, it's a demanding, full-on job being a Mum. There are times I've felt so overwhelmed. Even now my youngest is sitting on my lap having just wee-d all over the bedroom floor trying to 'help' me on the computer. Then comes the tantrum for some unknown reason. She also wee-d all over her sheets, rug and pillow this morning too - the joys of toilet-training.

I've been listening to this CD by Steven Curtis-Chapman in my car this week, and every time I hear this particular song, I think all Mums should hear it. So here it is. Steven shares how he came to write the song before singing it, I found it really encouraging.

Hope it encourages you too - hang in there Mums, you are changing the world one heartbeat at a time.

One Heartbeat at a Time

You're up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don't know
Or maybe you've forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every "I know you can do it"
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They're just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
How you're changing the world
You're changing the world

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
Oh, I believe that you
You are changing the world
One little heartbeat
At a time

And you're changing the world

Your experience as a Mum in one word

A friend once bumped into me at the shops not long after having Lucy, my second baby, and remarked, "It's a unique stage of life". Quite a good description.

Unique.

If you could use any word to describe your experience as a Mum, what would it be?

I realise it's not a word, but supercalifragilisticexpialidocious comes to mind for me - thought I'd google it, and of course there's no dictionary definition. But here's what came up in my search, "Where did supercalifragilisticexpialidocious come from? Yes, From the famous Disney movie Mary Poppins. Though used in such a positive tone in the movie, it's a great over exaggerated way of describing a fun time or a person's character."

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

I usually like to keep things balanced - supercalifragilisticexpialidocious doesn't really incorporate all the difficult experiences and the struggles associated with being a Mum - but I'll go with this word anyway. Overall that's been my experience as a Mum so far.

Pondering about Motherhood

I don't really like the term 'motherhood' as it sounds a bit formal and in my mind doesn't sound very fun, but part of the definition in the dictionary is 'the state of being a mother' or 'the qualities traditionally associated with being a mum', which is more what I'm wanting this blog to be about. The state of being a Mum, including the fun stuff and the tough stuff.

I have another blog, Pondering About Life, that I started back in June 2009. But I decided it'd be good to create a separate blog specifically about being a Mum. I'd love the opportunity to interact more with other blogging Mums and ponder together about our lives as Mums, and most of all to encourage each other that we're not alone in our struggles, and to share practical ideas about surviving motherhood.

I've been a single Mum for over 12 months now. My girls were nearly 1 and nearly 2 when we first separated. It's been a tough experience, but I'm sure many others have even tougher stories than mine. Being a Mum isn't an easy road, though it is rewarding. At times it's exhausting, frustrating and overwhelming, and at other times it's wonderful, and lots of fun.

I have no idea how frequently I'll post on this blog. As a person who likes structure and being systematic, all that kind of goes out the window when you're a Mum. Regardless of how often I post, I'd love this to be an interactive blog, to hear stories from other Mums and for us to be able to encourage and support each other. You can email me too at alison.janne.young@gmail.com

Looking forward to the journey.